BARDINESS

Bardy: Hiberno-Caledonian; def: bold, audacious, defiant.

"Originally a North Briton, nowadays I keep one foot in London and one in Laguna, Philippines. That's quite a stretch - 6,716 miles to be precise." 

Zujava....(or the A-Z of Squidoo)

 

 

I'm writing about Zujava because it conveniently puts my catagory list with a range from A - Z.

Prior to that I had to settle for Wizzley as my last word.

Coincidentally both of them are online writing sites, both of them appear to have spun off from Squidoo lensmasters, and both of them seem to have the same people contributing. 

It really is a small world. A couple of years ago I abandoned Squidoo, or perhaps it was the other way around, because  (a) it was overtaken by opportunists (b) it lost it's focus (c) it became filled with rubbish (d) it ignored quality content (e) it was more interested in cupcakes, cooking and handicrafts (f) it's Lens of the Day was always leaning to inanity and favouritism (g) it's LOTD ignored substance and quality (h) it's forums were visited by pretentious overbearing prats (i) the said forums were inundated with fly-by-night charlatans

 

(j) freedom of speech was frowned upon (k) debate was discouraged (l) there were too many lensmasters adopting a superior and obnoxious air (m) they had detrimental and excessive influence (n) they were nasty and vindictive (o) they were mercenary (p) the moderator was a company man/woman (q) the moderator was easily influenced (r) the site became top heavy (s) it drowned out great content (t) it overpowered content with advertising and screen litter (u) it removed a lensmaster's followers overnight (v) it created cuddly toys and goblins for rewards (w) it created quests more akin to kindergarten children (x) it promoted itself more than its users (y) good question (z) and that's why it spawned discontented lensmasters to create sites like Wizzley and Zujava.

And so concludes my A-Z of Squidoo. 

Here's my first Zujava leaf. It's a very interesting subject and an excellently written and humorous article. I highly recommend it!

Farcebook....

There was a Trojan Horse at the gate and it wasn't from the Greeks - at least I think not. But I can understand why these insidious viruses are called as such. They hide behind apparent innocuous posts on facebook and other social networking sites, embedded in the link like a parasitical worm.

Not content with causing mayhem, infecting the computer attaching itself like a bloodsucking leech, but it grows and multiplies like bacteria. Indeed the word "trojan" is far too good for it and as we all know it is the synonym of"malware". Some of these can be harmless, others can be extremely destructive, but the fact is that someone somewhere is designing these dastardly bugs and whilst they are at least contained to the IT world, one can only hope there aren't any mad scientists around who can replicate them in the medical one. Otherwise we are potentially doomed.

Not unless we can carry around a human form of antivirus software to blitz the bastards before they can send us all bonkers.

Speaking of blitzing, I'm sorely tempted to do exactly that to Facebook for allowing the enemy to reach the gates in the first place. Exactly whose responsibility is it? The platform or the user?

Having been a recent victim by clicking a seemingly innocent link from a reputable FB friend, my network, and all those within it who acted innocently like me, suddenly found themselves under the same attack. What does Facebook do? Do they accept responsibility, do they move heaven and earth to eridicate the problem, do they do anything at all?

The short answer is no! What they do is provide a message saying your computer is infected and consequently your account is suspended - which sounds drastic except they provide a little box which must be ticked acknowledging that you have rectified the problem. In other words they have lobbed the ball back into your court and reneged on any duty to there customers. Only then will access be given but your activity is restricted ie - you can read but cannot participate. This will last for a day or two - perhaps more.

Meanwhile you have instigated a scan with your antivirus software to hunt down the offender and obliterate it. Of course - we rely on our Nortons and Mcafee's and Avasts etc to have prevented this in the first place - at least - that's what we are led to believe, yet it appears that some of the little blighters can easily sneak through.

If you're lucky it may be just an impertinent mischievous little bug designed to bombard you with pop-ups and track you for marketing potential, but if you are really unlucky it could be a vicious spiteful and sinister arachnid which could cause all manner of problems like stealing personal data, passwords and even cause catastrophic failure to your computer. After all, if you are killer spider, why spin your own web, when there is a huge global one that you can trawl around with impunity?

Which beggers the question, if we, as consumers, pay good money to antivirus organizations to protects us, why cannot the biggest and most successful internet platform like Facebook not do likewise? It's just not good enough! Day after day Facebook inflicts new systems, new ideas and new apps to target us - yet it seems to me that they are not doing the basic requirement of protection.

Fair enough, we are not travelling on a plane or a boat or train where safety is essential, but we are still passengers in a virtual world, and our method of transport in this case is Facebook. Without us they wouldn't even leave the terminal. It seems to me that they are a carrier which expects it's passengers to ensure they have travel insurance in advance. If Facebook was an airline they would have to be members of ATOL, yet there is no equivalent in the internet world, and Facebook sits comfortably in the cockpit on automatic pilot free from any obligations.

I bank online. I've forgotten the last time I visited my branch, but when I log on I receive messages that I must endeavour to ensure my security and protect my personal details - they would never contact me to request any pin numbers for example. Indeed, my bank provides me with a free antivirus software specifically designed to protect my banking activity.

It's just a regular bank, one of the big four or five which all of us deal with, and yet they will not have a fraction of customers that Facebook has on their books. Ah! but there's a big difference you may say, after all, one deals with our money and the other is just a social network site. And yet, is it likely that Facebook have more personal information about us than even our banks? Perhaps they may not know what our financial state is, but they surely know (judging by the behaviour of many) what we had for dinner last night!

My bank manager doesn't know that! Nor does he know my travel arrangements, the countries I visit, how many kids and grandchildren I've got, or my state of health, or see my uploaded photographs. He doesn't know the company I keep, my political views or hobbies, nor know what organizations I'm a member of, nor my charities and causes, my feelings, my peccadilloes - my life. But I bet Facebook knows.

So isn't it time that Facebook took action to protect us? I pride myself on protecting my personal life to a degree, but at the same time I know that I must allow a little to get through - just enough to classify me as a human being, but I suspect millions have exposed themselves entirely to a site that they really don't know anything about.

If facebook can't prevent a little trojan getting through and fails to take any responsibility, then what would happen if a whole horse galloped in.

The Trojan Horse is in the annals of Homer, part myth, part legend - but today the mythology is now reality and there's no room for complacency.
 

The Bourne Legacy - It's more fun in the Philippines!

Philippines President Benigno Aquino says the filming of the latest "Bourne" movie in Manila will boost tourism and jobs.

"The Bourne Legacy" is the fourth in the franchise, and as I recall the gist of them follow an ultra-tuned US assassin with a heart, who suffers from amnesia.

He hasn't completely lost his memory, because he still knows how to travel all over the world with impunity, adopting a range of disguises, utilising a plethora of techno gizmos, speaks a variety of languages, and has combat skills which would shame Bruce Lee and knocks off his enemies like skittles.

He's like a rogue absent-minded James Bond 00?

Matt Damon who played the intrepid hero in the first three Bourne movies has quit because the original director Paul Greengrass wasn't interested in doing anymore. Indeed, this new production wasn't even written by the original author the late Robert Ludlum, who incidentally wrote the last Bourne book in 1990.

So Matt Bourne or Jason Damon (whoever) has been replaced by some other chap whose name escapes me, but I do know that the new bloke has been joined by Rachel Wiesz who recently married the current James Bond - Daniel Craig - who coincidentally happens to be the 007th screen incarnation of the cool, debonair spy with attitude and aptitude (David Niven played Bond in a 1967 spoof version of Casino Royale).

Daniel Craig seems to be following me around lately. The last time I saw him was in Cowboys and Aliens, a film shown on Malaysia Airlines. Before that I saw him in the last Bond movie (Quantum of Solace) when flying with Royal Brunei Airlines - but because that was a rather strict islamic operator (alcohol free for example) - they'd cut out most of the sex and violence, so there wasn't much left to see and I totally lost the plot. Besides - what's left after all the naughty bits are edited?

As for Cowboys and Aliens, I was definitely on the side of extraterrestrials. His latest offering is "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" which I may get round to seeing the next time I'm at 30,000ft.

Knowing my luck the girl will probably have her tattoo removed, and I'll be left with "The Female with a Flying Fire-Breathing Mythical Beast." The next Bond movie is called Skyfall. (I may stay on terra firma to watch that one).

But back to Ms Wiesz. She you may remember was the archeologist in the first two "Mummy" movies, and said she would definitely not do a third, so it was left to Maria Bello to replace her in "The Mummy - Tomb of the Dragon Emperor". Or perhaps that was "The Tomb of the Dragon Tattoo - Bourne Again"? (Read my "Mummy III" article here).

Rachel reminds me of Keira Knightley who said she definitely would not do any more "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies, but then ended up in the ridiculous travesty "King Arthur" where she was cast as Guinevere - a female warrior of the ancient Briton Pict tribe.

So now we have "Bourne in the Philippines". I do hope the director showcases the place at it's best. There aren't many movie blockbusters filmed there.

Which brings me to an interesting spin on my last post: "The Bourne Legacy - it's more fun in the Philippines!"

You couldn't make it up!

"#It's More Fun in the Philippines!"

What is? Well everything according to the Philippines Department of Tourism - It's the new slogan and has replaced "WoW Philippines!" (which I thought was rather good) and some other one which was so mundane that I can't even remember it! 

More fun in the Philippines is a bit like Marmite - you either love it or hate it (now there's a ditty you wouldn't forget in a hurry).

Anyhow, to mixed review, and some cheeky wit, the slogan has gone viral on the internet. Particularly with tweeters and the ubiquitous meme manufacturers.

From official DOT posters such as "Parking is more fun in the Philippines" with a picture of some traditional bankas (boats) moored up on a tropical island, to a plethora of unofficial ones, they are ensuring that this could be one of the most successful tourist campaigns ever designed.

Indeed there are so many "posters" now that it's difficult to know what's official and what isn't.

There are websites sprouting up everywhere encouraging people to make their own.   The reason? Because Filipinos are internet junkies and extremely tech savvy, they are all over the world, and where there's an opportunity for a laugh, or some artistic licence, they are not slow in coming forward.

Consequently they are effectively doing the job of the DoT, and advertising their country globally.

Admittedly some clever wags are producing  posters which highlight less fun things as a statement of protest, but In the main the majority are positive and pleasing to the eye.

There has been some criticism that the DoT has allegedly plagiarized the slogan from a Swiss tourism campaign of 1951. I kid you not - 1951 - shock horror! (Mind you, one slogan last year -Pilipinas kay ganda- was said to have been pinched from the Polish Tourist Authority - so there looks like some form here constable).

I'm sure there is plenty of fun in Switzerland if you like to go on the piste or enjoy the crisp Alpine air and the yodelling, but I very much doubt that a Swiss banker is  more fun than a Philippine's banka. 

The DoT bods are very ambitious and have a target to increase international tourism by about 10 million over the next few years.

I have to say that this is very unlikely, although there has been a significant increase of visitors from within the Asia-Pacific region -mainly Chinese and South Koreans.

Still, far be it for me to dampen their wick, and I wish them the best of luck.

Tourism means investment, investment means jobs, and jobs means prosperity. Simples!

Click here for a news video.

 

 

Acknowledgements to Vintage Paper Ads for the Swiss Poster.

The Malabar Spider - Courage without Balls....

"Australians wouldn't give a XXXX for a Seahorse's Willy!" was a Bardy post I wrote in 2009.

It was a lighthearted observation about the reproductive abilities of Seahorses, and for reasons at the time I linked it to the famous advertising slogan of Castlemaine Beer: "Australians wouldn't give a....etc" 

The female seahorse has it's own penis, which she uses to deposit her eggs into the belly of the male, who then secretes sperm to achieve external fertilisation and.....anyway, you'll have to read that post to see where it was going.

So I begin the new year with another observation along similar lines (as reported in the New Scientist) about a spider which, after impregnating it's mate, leaves it's testicles behind in the female's copulatory opening. 

Although the male Malabar spider loses its genitals after hanky panky, it doesn't grow a new pair, and in fact makes it even more aggressive and a better fighter.

Nephilengys malabarensis (to give it's official name) is regarded as a eunuch, and because it's already lost its balls, it has little left to lose in a fight. Indeed, a rival male can remove the testicles left behind in a female from a previous lothario, and impregnate her again.

Naturally the original male Malabar who did the deed is somewhat peeved about this, after all, his mate has got it's balls, and he has a desire to protect both them and her. He's not too pleased when some well hung rival comes along and struts his stuff - so he will fight tooth and nail to ward him off. 

It appears a perfectly natural reaction when you think about it. 

It's difficult to disseminate scientific papers into simple English, but the bottom line is that during copulation the male Malabar experiences total castration, but does so to plug it's mate to prevent her from having subsequent relationships.

It seems like a rather drastic method of birth control, particularly as the ball-less male must spend the rest of his life fighting off horny rivals. Still, this makes him focused and much stronger. The spin off is that there is a well ordered population control of the species.

Now, I'm not advocating that this method should be used in the Human world, but the average man may well think twice before he rampantly deposits his sperm with impunity if at risk of losing his testicles. Although many men would argue that their wives have already got them by the balls anyway.

No, this is just an observation, and now that we have reached a global population of 7 Billion perhaps we should consider the webs we weave, and look at the Malibar spider to suggest ideas.

Maybe we should keep this knowledge safely tucked away in our trousers for the time being.

A Euphoric Novel Calendar for 2012....

This is post 80 for 2011, which averages 6.6̅6̅ a month. That’s a periodic number by the way, and the line above the numbers after the decimal point is called a vinculum. Which means recurring.

In this case “6” repeats a further 15 times. Indigestion springs to mind, but a good dose of liver salts should cure the problem for those of my readers who suffer bilious attacks after each of my indulgences.

Thanks to Microsoft Word I am able to utilise the symbol in this post. I rarely use MS Word unless I am writing a letter, and most of the time I use Notepad. From which I copy and paste into TypePad which I can then arrange, edit and add images to my heart’s content.

Using Word tends to rearrange my delivery to a form of perfection which I find irritating. It’s not how I speak, so why should I allow it to tell me how to write?

It reminds me of an episode of “Friends” when Joey was shown how to use the built in thesaurus on his computer to formulate a speech.  It was one of my favourite sketches.

  

Anyway, I thought about doing one of those "Reviews of the Year" things which is normal for the season, but 80 posts is a lot to get through and I don't have an editor at my disposal. There are many I am proud of though, so maybe I'll compile some anon.

In the meantime I wish you all a euphoric novel calendar.

Happy New Year in other words!

 

The Philippines - Drowning in a Storm of Semantics...

Most of the 1000 fatalities in the southern Philippines typhoon and flood disaster this December lost their lives "due to the process resulting in primary respiratory impairment from submersion or immersion in a liquid medium". That is the Philippines Department of Health (DOH) definition of "drowning".

Apparently many drowned because they couldn't swim. There is barely no research to back up this statement, but according to the Philippines Daily Inquirer newspaper, it is based on anecdotal evidence. Lifeboat volunteers were asking children bobbing up and down in the sea, surrounded by dangerous logs and clinging on for grim death "Can you swim?"

The suggestion is that if they had the basic skill many would have survived.

What is the implication I wonder? Here you have one of the worst disasters to hit the Philippines for many years - a disaster which experts had been warning about regularly; a disaster compounded by illegal logging and deforestation; uncontrolled slum dwellings along river banks; over population; and instead of addressing all of those factors, the victims are blamed because they carelessly failed to learn to swim! How inconsiderate!

Floyd Mayweather - a fair weather bling boxer.....

Floyd Mayweather has come up with many excuses to avoid a fight with his nemesis Manny Pacquiao, but the latest has to be the best.

Can it be that he manipulated a prison sentence to avoid a confrontation?

Having been convicted of a domestic assault, he has been sentenced to three months imprisonment.

This will severely put back any plans to fight Pacquiao, and even if he gets an early release, or even if he gets a successful appeal, it would mean that there will be no potential meeting in the ring for eight months or more. 

Why is this such a big deal? Two reasons - boxing is about the purse, and a contest between the two adversaries would produce millions of dollars win or lose for the contenders, and secondly, Mayweather has exposed himself as a charlatan, an opportunist and a thoroughly devious individual, who has a track record of resorting to unsportsmanlike conduct time after time to avoid a fight with Pacquiao.

The Seven Year Itch...........

There are 320 million coconut trees in the Philippines and they occupy 28% of the agricultural land area.

Yet 14% of them are considered dead or dying and there has not been any substantial replacement. That's nearly 45 million.

A 60 year old tree won't bear many nuts and should be cut down for lumber. A tree (or palm - for the pedantic) is at its best between seven and twenty five years when they can produce 40 to 60 nuts a year.

Sustainable agri-management would ensure replacements but farmers are reluctant due to a combination of poor returns, El Nino weather patterns, and many are poor tenants who don't own their land and are paid peanuts by the land owners who even expect rent to boot!

What's Your Number? 7 Billion and Counting!

As I write, the 7th billion human on the planet will have been born.

The "billion" in this case is the American billion not the British billion which is the equivalent to a million million (i.e. 1,000,000,000,000). The American billion equates to a thousand million (1,000,000,000).

There is a similar disparity to the meaning of trillion. The British trillion used to mean a million million million (1,000,000,000,000,000,000) whereas the American trillion is a million million (1,000,000,000,000).